Control often hides in plain sight, domestic violence expert says

Abuse frequently manifests through quiet control rather than physical force, a pattern that often goes unnoticed by those closest to the victim. Amber Oldfield, the development director for WAVI, outlined these hidden indicators following a fatal incident on a Rapid City street.

Police responded to a domestic disturbance on Clover Street on Oct. 29. During the call, a man pointed a loaded rifle at the responding officers. They discharged their weapons, and the man died at the scene. The South Dakota Division of Criminal Investigation is currently reviewing the details of that officer-involved shooting.

Oldfield emphasized that warning signs often start small. She cited examples such as a partner monitoring social media accounts, demanding passwords, or restricting contact with family members. Other flags include controlling access to money, hiding car keys, or damaging important documents. She noted that these actions can begin with simple jealousy or criticism about daily choices like clothing or phone calls.

She cautioned that context matters and that a single behavior does not automatically prove abuse. Oldfield advised friends and family to listen without judgment. She said loved ones should offer support and keep a list of local resources handy for when the person is ready to talk.

WAVI operates a 24-hour crisis line at 605-341-4808. The organization provides case management and safety planning regardless of whether a victim chooses to stay or leave a relationship. Staff also assist with obtaining copies of vital documents. For those in immediate distress, the organization focuses on basic needs such as warmth, food, and safety for the individual and their children.

Oldfield stated that advocates listen to the person’s specific circumstances rather than issuing directives to leave immediately. The organization aims to provide a stable environment where individuals can assess their next steps with professional guidance.